Mama Update #1
8.11.21
Thank you all again for the prayers for myself and our baby boys. I know a lot of you are swinging by to get updates on Wyatt, I don't blame you he is pretty amazing 💖. I know a lot of you keep asking about me as well. I would like to give you an update on what I am feeling and where I am mentally as well.
Physically: With the emergency cesarean I had on Monday I was cut in a T. This means that I will forever be a cesarean mama. I am sore, as to be suspected. I have been able to take morphine if I would like. I am starting to just rotate Tylenol and Ibuprofen. I want to be able to pump for Wyatt and not have too much medicine running through me. I am up and walking slowly but the more I walk on my own the better. This means less chance of blood clots and better recovery. This does not mean I rush my recovery. I know I am slow for a reason. If I need a break I take it while I am walking. So, physically, I should be able to be released as projected on Friday.
Mentally: It has been a long three weeks. As you can all imagine after going through the struggle of infertility and the treatments, finding out one of my baby boys had gained his wings was a punch to the gut. I took the weekend and tried to process the horrible news. Processing it for me consisted of tears for what Cameron never got... than it went to realization that I needed to stay healthy for the little boy still fighting inside me. So I set aside all feelings knowing that I needed to continue to keep him healthy. Now, because HE had a different plan, this mama now has a different way of moving forward. Cameron will NEVER be forgotten, please don't think that is how I am moving forward... Instead, my angel baby is helping mama realize that every time Wyatt has a good moment and we share that as an update he is dancing. Giving updates to all of you is healing me with all the positives going forward. There are only a few points I struggle with, worrying about my family is a major one. Zach and Anna have been on my mind since I came into the hospital the first time. This mama is not the only one going through the struggle. I miss being home with my family. I struggle with the thought of going home and being too far away from Wyatt. I am really struggling with writing an obituary for Cameron. I am also saddened, not discouraged, but saddened that I am still not able to pump for Wyatt and he is using donor milk. Being his mom I am grateful there is a donor milk program but I am sad that I should be able to do that for him.
Overall, I also want to thank all of you for the kind words saying I am strong, amazing and such a great mama. These words are amazing even though I have the hardest time believing them.
Please continue to pray and I will continue to share our journey.
