I explained to a few of the nurses today that the only reason I am getting through this time is knowing that:

A) They have my baby when I am not there and love them as their own.

B) Talking through everything that is happening day by day.  Our ups and downs.

C) Being able to see Wyatt, hold him and know the sounds so that I am able to help him.  That little piece of mind of knowing when something isn't right and maybe I can fix it.  Or changing his diaper, giving him his paci or trying to feed him.

D) Being able to call or go in 24/7 for an update.

E) Having faith and believing, even if it is all on HIS time or the babies time they will be home with me.

It is by far not easy, nor is it ever okay being a NICU parent and it forever changes you.  You learn more about yourself, your spouse and your baby.  You have feelings that you can't describe, you have thoughts of failure (and that isn't just you failing but also your faith and baby).  You have to find a way to cope with every little negative thought no matter how big or small.  It is something I would not wish on even my worst enemy (and that is saying a lot).  But, then again I wouldn't wish my entire journey on anyone (this has been really HARD).  This has hardened me and strengthened me as a person.  I look in the mirror and it makes me sad, happy, mad and worried all at once in the person I have become.  I am very much ready for my baby to come home and I am saddened it may not be next week.  I also know that I will be okay as he is doing okay and WILL be home when God wills him to be home.

#nicu #nicuawarenessmonth #Nicustrong #preemie #nicubaby #nicuparent #nicuparents #nicusupport #nicuawareness